Videos uploaded by user “JazzKeyboardist1”
Hawaii Five-O, it's Off To Work We Go
Maui Wowi Cherry Chops.. Maui Wowi Jazz Be-Bop... Book-Em Danno Rocky Top Cop.... Smoke-Em Gringo Cheech Loves Pot? Miley Said She Didn't Want To Twerk My Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll.because every Tub Should Stand on its own Bottom She gave me a smile I could feel in my front pocket. Ready, Willing and Abnormal. . I Was Racking My Brain, Jazz Jammin' This Table. ..As Pinky Ascertained, This Key-Boarding Fable. ...... .... Did Hawaii-Five-O Ever Thwart Or Distort Us.? He Shoots, He Scores, a Maui Wowi Tortoise. The Scorpion Was Bored, His Tail All Aquiver, Just How Could He Hang Ten Across the River? "Hey Tortoise, You Surf Like A Turtle And Have What I Lack. Can You Take Me Across Like A Girdle On Your Back Pack?" The Tortoise Replied, "Your Mutilation Reputation is Preceding, Of Victim Violation & Fifty Shades Of Bleeding. Breaking Bad To The Bone, Your Trash Talk Has A Skunky Smell. Why Take A Highway To Hell While You're Riding My Shell.?" The Scorpion replied, "What Would Killing You Prove? We'd Both Frown Then Drown, So A Death Groove Wouldn't Behoove A Walking Dead Land, at My Very Own Hand ? A Game Of Thrones, , But Not A Russian Roulette Band " The Tortoise DeBoned The Scorpions Defense. When He Gave it some Thought, Book-em Danno made Perfect Sense. For A Three Hour Tour But Just As They Set Sail. The Scorpion Lashed out with his Venomous Tail, As The Tortoise Fought for Life he said, "Tell me Why Ugly Guy? Don't Call me Shirley, Curly But now we will Both Surely Die?" The Scorpion Said, "its in My Nature To Kill & Stab Maybe An Ex-Lover Gave Me Something Like Crabs" The Wanker Tanked With One Final Quiver. The Prickly Pair Sank, Swallowed Up By The River. Was The Tortoise Wrong To ignore All His Doubts ? Like All Lovers Know, in The End Our Nature Comes Out. So Us Human Creatures of Contact, Regardless of Whether. We Kiss Or We Wound , Still We Must Come Together. Men & Women May Spell Destruction, We Always Ask For More. Who Wants To Be A Frog On A Log, Lonely On Shore ? So As if on A Whim And A Double Dog Dare We Risk More Pain, To Be Touched And To Care Should We Try Match Dot Com Or E-Harmony ? Does You, Me And The Devil Makes Three ? ,,The theme for the Hawaii Five-O that started around 2010, is actually the original theme from the 1968 to 1980 series, "Newly" recorded from the original CBS Orchestra Charts. The tune was also recorded by the ventures in 1969 and became a number three pop hit. Got An Enormous SchwanzStucker? A Franken-Weenie?
Views: 1782 JazzKeyboardist1
I'm Not Crazy My Mothra Had Me Tested. Astronaut Screams For 9 Minutes
Based on a True Pigs in Space Story......... From the Big Bang Theory..... As Super Duper Sheldon Cooper Awoke One Morning From SurRealistic Dreams,, He Found Himself TransFormed into A Monstrously,Verminous,, Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty Little Ball of Shi-nola,, ,Happy Kitty,, Sleepy Kitty, Penny Like A Pina Colada ?,, And getting caught in the Rain if You're Not into Yoda Do you Like Pinky and the Brain ? , Then,,You'll Like The Boogie Woogie Bangin' Bizarro Boys ,,Leonard was a Physicist from Chicago way, ,,Raj had a talkin' style that no one else could say, ,,,Howard was the space man at his craft,, ,,But Then Their Number Came Up,, ,,,and Lorre gave them all cash,, ,,,They're all on TV Now, ,Blowin' way past GLEE,,, ,They Are the Boogie Woogie Booty Boys of,, C, S, and B, ,,, network C-B-S , that is,,,,, the place you want to be ,, so they Loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly, ,,Hills that is,,swimmin' pools,, movie stars, set a spell,, take your shoes off,, you all come back now,, ya-hear that ,.Hush Puppy, Mush Puppy, Doggie Likes to Beg, .Flea Bag Puppy, Bow Wow Puppy, Hey, Quit Humpin' My Leg, . ,What does this video have in common with a Black Hole?, they both suck, , Holy Crap on a Cracker,Will Sticking Feathers Up An Astronaut's Butt make him scream Like a Chicken ?, Temptress Tantrum's Jennifer Aniston says the first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about her Brad Pitt Voodoo Doll,as, the idle brain is the devil's playground, and we got trouble right here in big bang city, with a capital T and that rhymes with Glee and Sheldon's gotta Pee,,over 87% of people who viewed this video say four out of five people think insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ,,but if we knew what it was we were doing, it wouldn't be called research,,,, Puddin' n' Tain, Bein' Mean is Lame,, Ask me again , and I'll Tell You if You Got Game, Do you admire a dedication? Then this historical Document is dedicated to you,; , Hey Asteroid 2029 Apophis, I'm Gonna Keep My Chicken Little Suit On , Until from Earth's Orbit,, You Be Gone , And NASA says Wake up You Sleepy Head Rub Your Eyes, Get Out Of Bed The Sky's Not Falling, The Asteroid's Like Dead,; it may Destroy the Earth as we know it around April 2036 on its second pass around 8.8 billion planets. I am SHELDON, The Very Model of a Modern Genius-General, I Don't masturbate with Vegetable, Animal or Mighty Mouse's Minerals, I Date Amy Farrah Fowler and Quote Physics Historical, From Isaac Newton to Stephen Hawking, in Neener Neener Categorical, You Play Tic-Tac Toe but are Stumped on Life's Riddles,, I understand Equations, While You're Diddlin Your Fiddle,, When I'm at Comic-Con Conventions, You Watch Honey Boo-Boo I'm Feelin Groovy watchin' SuperMan's Movies knowin his Whitey-Tighties are a Blue-HooDoo,, As Sponge Bob Jumped over the Moon The Tick's sidekick Arthur ran off with the Spoon Penny Taught me how to inspect her gadget in modern Cutlery People Love To Hate Me So Raj Taught Me Silver Surfer's Skull-Duggery, Leonard said Shaving Ryan's Privates is not Modern Gun-nery Wonder Woman Taught me the Tactics of a Happy Hooker's Nunnery In short, in matters Vegetable, Animal, and Mineral, I am SHELDON, The Very Model of a Modern Genius General, ,But to parody Gilbert and Sullivan makes this video A Crime Federal, SORRY,some things are repeated, please send refund requests to my Law Firm, Dewey Cheatem & Howe, Danger, nonsense on stilts The Big Bang Theory may produce violent, uncontrollable Laughter, dangerous hallucinations, space will expand, time slows down, almost stands still,, fixed ideas come next, conjuring up monstrous extravagances, followed by emotional disturbances, the total inability to direct thoughts, the loss of all power to resist physical emotions, leading to acts of shocking faux pas,Grandiloquent Narcissism,Dilettantism, Unspecified Schizophrenia Spectrum disorders, Ending in incurable insanity, Friends, don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory,which has been Defined as the Science of Matter, Motion & Enemas, friends' pigeons playing ping pong, Penny said she felt Like an Elevator auditioning for the show because she had to go down a Lot, agnostic Einstein asks,''Did God have any choice when She created the big bang theory?'' oops though this be madness, brevity is the soul of wit, but if music be the food of love, Who let the Dogs out? The Premise is, Howard was Bullied By Russians at the international Space Station and said there was a video on youtube, entitled Astronaut Screams for Nine Minutes on the Big Bang Theory, Episode 2 of Season 6. Ironic that even Einstein thought the Milky Way was the only Galaxy and was eternal until Hubble
Views: 12263 JazzKeyboardist1
The Munsters Mugs, Pugs & Thugs
" I Am As Far Beyond Mutants, As They Are Beyond You", Eddie Munster's Theme Song, From His Final Farewell Tour, the munster mash 4075 309, Playin jazz is kinda like sex,, Watching isn't as much Fun,,sticks and stones can break more bones than I can shake a stick at,,, fartist in residence,,Zombies,Vampires and Werewolves are Unhealthy For children And other Livin' La Vida Loca Things, ,Herman's boots were the perfect example of Philosopher Jeremy Bentham's Nonsense on Stilts Ever Feel Like you're a headless body at a topless bar under a frogs fanny down a mine shaft with more Lathered, splattered and gathered guts than a studded gelding could hang on a feathered fence with the daintiness of a deft debutante called upon to dismember a corpse while feeling the hideous Lonely emptiness of faulty potty training and the hopeless predicament of Mankind forced to suffer in a bitter, barren eternity , like a tiny flame flickering in an immense abysmal world with nothing but waste , horror and Jazz to Listen to? ,,,,Herman Munster was a Beast Left Unfed, But His Ego Would Not Be Further Bled,, ,,,Like a Zombie Eating Naughty Parts Of The Undead, This Grave Digger Ain't Cutting Off No Heads, Many many Light Years ago ...Grandpa Munster was Undead as you all Know A Dracula Demon Possessed Him in a T.V. Dinner Sea He Was afraid of a Chicken Fried Stake Seared into Thee Ever The Kidder,,eddie said,,, hey dip shit don't give me no Lip, the baddest man in the Whole damn ship badder than hells hedge hog,,, meaner than a junk yard dog, ,,In the past to calculate the value of saving a life before drinking his blood, Grandpa Munster used the value of wages a person would earn over his remainder of a lifetime, but now Vampires use the Value of Statistical Life vsl,, the economic value of saving a single life in 2009 was six million, today it is about $9.1 million. ,,,Arguing is 90% Calling people names Like idiot The Other Half is Feeling Superior, ,,sources,, Captain Billy's Whiz Bag. .Simon Cowell watches This Video. ....Simon Cowell eats own Foot, , Last Night I Dreamed A Deadly Dream I Saw a Dead Man's Silent Scream A Vampire's Wingman in the Sky That Un-Dead Guy Who Couldn't Fly Was I Under Grass alone, GrandPa Lies Lookin' Up With Vampire Eyes But Last Night He Dined On Nuns This Bat Was Horny As The Sun Ever Seen A Peanut Stand? Heard A Rubber Band? ,But you'll Think you've Died, if You've Seen Art Tatum Stride, Rocky's Adriana Lima supermodel's gopher As Any Actor in Vampire Make-Up Knows .The Past is Just The Present in Funny Clothes, Said Homer Simpson Drinking At Moe's Stewie's family Hierarchy of Creativity and performance Art nobel prize literature, major Oscar emmy grammy tony winners etc filthy rich gig whores like chuck Lorre and seth macfarland Legitimate theatre musical theatre stand up ventriloquism magic mime, juggling stilt walking sword swallowing pornography karoake rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters desperados, mugs pugs thugs, nitwits halfwits dimwits vipers snipers con men indian agents Mexican bandits muggers buggereres bushwhackers hornswagglers horse thieves bull dykes train robbers bank robbers ass kickers ,, happy hooker's with Lice, Long John's dongs with mice,, dancing hitler's on ice and blazing saddling Methodists from Method to Madness
Views: 2657 JazzKeyboardist1
if You're Crazy & You Know it Clap Your Hands,Entertainer
..I Like Jazz Jams and Clammy Spam.... Yellow Yams-Yosemite Sam... Tasmanian Deviled Eggs With Ham.....Bugs Bunny's Rhett Butler Didn't Give A Damn Splendid Splinter Scott Joplin's The Entertainer, in a 12 bar Blues Brothers ,, the music is better than it sounds,, Objects on the Screen are better looking than they appear. .Do You Like This Video?.Think About it A Bit. .if You Don't,,, Spit Like Three Amigos. .. Because I don't Give A ,,,,,,,,,Uh-Oh, SpaghettiO's,. Do You Have And Enormous Schwanz-Stucker? A Franken-Weenie? You may Have Tangible Wealth Untold Caskets of Jewels And Coffers of Gold But Richer Than I You Can Never Be Because I Have A Keyboard That Talks To Me, Miley Cyrus Said She Didn't Want To Twerk With My Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll because Every Tub Should Stand on its Own Bottom Will Your Life Still Flash Before Your Eyes.? if You Drown Without Being Circumcised ? if You're Only Mostly Dead At Home Sweet Home ? Maybe Miracle Max Didn't Take My Koda-Chrome A Monster Mish-Mash & A Sudden Brash Flash ? Like Winning the Lottery and Lots of Cool Cash To Davy Jones Locker Sinking to the Soggy Forgotten Lookin' For Your Car Keys in A Foggy Mountain Bottom Do You Wish this Poem Was Over, Free From Rags And Fleas? Move Over Rover While Bed Bugs Eat Goober's Peas. billy Collins A Little Bit of, The Flight Of The BumbleBee is at 0.55,,, A Good Musician is Worth His Weight in Gobble-de-Gook Dean Martin, said You're not drunk if you can Lie on the floor without Holding On Sicker than a Tick on a Coon Hound's Prick Sleazy And Me And The Devil May Tease. A Man without a Beer Belly is like a Penthouse without a Balcony . Roger Rabbit
Views: 2828 JazzKeyboardist1
Linus & Lucy, Snoopy's Humpin' My Leg
Learning To Play The Piano is No Different Than Potty Training, A Keyboard Just Has More Flush Handles,, And May Produce Violent, Uncontrollable Hallucinations, Space May Expand, Time May Slow down, Fixed ideas come next, Conjuring up Monstrous Extravagances, followed by Emotional Disturbances, the total inability to direct thoughts, the Loss of all Power to Resist Physical Emotions, as we see the Tonka Truck Gears clunk and grind in overstimulated craniums, ending in incurable insane Dancing, , My Grandmother started Dancing Snoopy Style, about Five Miles A day when She was 90, She's 97 Now, and We Don't Know Where the Heck She is,,, . .Charlie Brown Had More Guts than You Could Hang On a Fence. Big As A Brahma Bulls' Balls Are Dense, Don't Fall Off Luscious Lucy's Turnip Truck, Eatin' Cow Cud Casserole , Possum And Duck. The More That You Read. The More You Will Know, Read A Book When You Pee, So You'll Learn When You Go. When You Have The Listener By The Balls, Their Hearts And Minds Will Follow, Sweet Sassy Molassy, Snoopy Bit Lassie . The Girls have Always Loved Me. They Say I'm Quite A Kick. My Dates Are Always Free. 'Cause They Love To Lick My. Two Toed Turkey Tailed Tall Tubs of Tea .. Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers, Pig-Pen And Me. Swings Like A Bad Ball Joint, Sounds Like Bad Brakes, Funny Fat Franklin Fried Fresh Fish And Steaks. . Ellen DeGeneres forgot to give me ten thousand dollars for the following, We Love Ellen,,,,,,The Very Model of a modern Talk Show CoverGirl,, My Classic Joke Tuesday is Like vegetable animal or mineral,, My Wife Portia is So LovAble, I Talk about Her Unstoppable,, Ask Me about our Nieces,,,, Aren't They Just Adorable ? They play tic tac toe but Love To Diddle The Middle D-J Tony's Laugh is like a Cat's Tail Caught in A Griddle I wish you could come to our Farm For Vittles 'n Kibbles, The Animals Like To Dance, Nibble and Dribble,, As your CoverGirl Beautiful in Vegetable Animal Or Mineral,, I Am Ellen,, The Very Model of a Modern Talk Show Clitorial, ,, PLAYING the Left Hand in unison rhythm with the right in a few places, makes this Astoundingly Easier, Ambidexterity is all Handy n' Dandy but I got tired of practicing it, because Vince Guaraldi didn't solo over the verse but over the chords E flat, d flat,, c , d flat, e flat, Most people will not notice the difference and may even think it is more Syncopated, Duane Shinn has a nice Xmas Time is here lesson,, Hush Puppy,, Mush Puppy,, Snoopy Loves to Beg,, Flea Bag Puppy,, Bow Wow Puppy,, Hey,, Quit Humpin' my Leg ! ,,but my dog thinks I am as sexy as the south end of a NorthBound Mule don't just sit there Like a Bump on a Log, Dance Like Snoopy, Like Fleas on a Dog,, Not sure about something? follow a celebrity, Like Mel Gibson on race relations, Tom Cruise on Psychiatrics, rush Limbaugh on femiNazis,, Randy Quaid on hollywood star whackers,, whitney houston on performing Houdini like underwater magic tricks,, O,J, Simpson on paying alimony,,,,Lindsey Lohen/Winona ryder on how to get a boutique ten finger discount,, john travolta on the best masseur,,pee wee herman/fred williard on the best movie theaters,,Britney Spears on boxer or briefs,,Chris Brown's assaulting tattoos,, ozzy osbourne on removing bats in your belfry,, charlie sheen on winning an argument with your boss,,Ricky Gervais about hiring a funeral Minister,,michael jackson on sleep-overs, and Grasshopper says to have no hangups following kill bill's David Carradine and his hobby of Auto-Erotic Hold your breath games,, A good reason to not want to be famous is your skeletons are more likely to stay in the closet,Good Grief,,,, ,,, youth is never wasted on the young, unless they suffered Faulty Potty Training, Charles Schultz's Tombstone Read. I Always Tried To Be The Kind Of Person Snoopy Thought I Was. Piddler on the Rug with delusions of Grandeur Ever See A Peanut Stand?, Heard A Rubber Band?, But I Laughed Until I Thought I Died, When Lucy Lifted The Football And Charlie Brown Flied .,, What Pet Should I Get ?, Now Don't Forget,, , This is Snoopy's Day,, You're Off and Away,,, Snoopy's 'round the Corner, On a Rainbow in the Sky So Let's have another cup of coffee Let's have another Hey Don't Die ! Everyone could see the Tonka Truck Gears clunk and grind in Snoopy's overstimulated cranium as Charles Schulz had the beagle say things a beagle just wouldn't say. may 4,
Views: 6893 JazzKeyboardist1
Sanford and Son's Fish-Eyed Foolery FlimFlamFlummery
This Video May Produce Violent, Uncontrollable Emotions And Dangerous Hallucinations, Space May Expand Producing Monstrous Extravagances And Excited Deliriums. Like Thinking You're Just A Gob of Spit in the Face of Art, And a Kick in the Pants to Mankind. My Astronaut Video Has Dozens of Hardcore Poems & Macabre Captions....... Playin' Jazz is Kinda Like Sex, Watchin' is Not As Much Fun. When musical superstars say their careers are part of a divine plan, I think of a little league football player saying, "Yea, we could've won the game, until Jesus Made Me Fumble", Most of the Plagiarized videos are first takes, because it's Hard to Rehearse improvised Solos, When I hear one of my mistakes, it reminds me of when a friend's wife made him get a circumcision.. When he awoke, The Surgeon says, "I'm sorry, We made a mistake, We were forced to perform a sex-change operation, You now have a vagina instead of a penis" , My European friend cried out, "You mean I'll never experience another erection?" , The surgeon goes,, , " Oh, you might, It just won't be yours",, he decided to just Moon the other Cheek , Popular culture as given many artists and reality stars,a false sense of their own importance as aesthetic wankers, probably because of Faulty potty training,,, Critics are a Harsh Mistress, This is probably My FareWell Tour, because the public has been demanding it for Years,,,, Always fun to look at any performance and ask yourself, if they were independently wealthy and just doing this at home for fun, how much would they change their act? it is called the Gig Whore HumDrum Conundrum, ,,,of course, even the Absolutely Fabulously Wealthy can be gig whores too,, trust me,Sir Paul McCartney does not play Hey Jude or Yesterday at home for fun, he plays it for the millionth time for the adoration he gets from the audience and I am envious, Studies indicate that jazz causes More than One in Four American adults to have a diagnosable Mental-health Disorder, and One in 17 has a Serious Disorder such as Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder,characterized by periods of depression and manic episodes, extreme swings of irritability or Being as Happy as Santa Claus on Prozac At Disneyland Getting Laid Under the Magical Lights of a Million Fairies ,,while the most common YouTube condition seems to be Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder,, And I'm Not Crazy, My Mothra Had Me Tested,, According to the National Institute of Mental Health,As the inmates are running the Asylum Though this be Madness, Brevity is the soul of wit, If music be the food of Love, Peter Townshend asks, Who Let The Dogs Out? You Formula One Jazz Nut Job ,,The accordion is on May 4 I want this music out of my head, it sounds like something dying. Malapropism= the unintentional misuse of a word but many people don't get malapropism humor.. This Sleazy Circus Freak, Came calling for me, Hungered to be a Star, Wished for a magic key, She Teased me as my Roadie, And we Soon Knocked Knees, Mama's Got a Squeeze Box, Fantasies make her Sneeze.
Views: 25800 JazzKeyboardist1
Andy Griffith's Cow Cud Casserole,Skunks Ducks & Moles
Gomer & Goober, Dipsy Doodle Drunk. Clumsy Thumbsy Fun-zies, Skunky Monkey Funk.. Road-Kill: It's Not Just For Ernest T's Breakfast Anymore. The tune has a few mistakes because I was as tired as a hooker on nickel night. .. During her Arizona Murder Trial, Jodi Arias said she Faked her Climax with her murder victim during phone sex because she needs two hands to climax and she needed one hand to hold the phone,, so Ladies is this True? does it take women two hands to reach orgasm and how does that work?, guys are kinda like a dog and will hump anything,,Most People Have Never Seen Two Dogs in A Mating Tie That Can Last Up To Thirty Minutes, it is on youtube and is probably where the phrase,, ''Hose Them Down''',, comes from,,,,,notre dames manti teo and I are looking for new girlfriends since jodi arias seems to be booked,, When Astroid 2012 da 14 Fell on Chicken Little's Head, She Wiped Her Eyes and Then She Said,,The Sky is Going To Fall, The MAYANS Were Right After All,,I'm gonna stock up and keep my HazMat suit on,, Until I'm sure that you've been shown, That you're out of earth's orbit, Warp Speeding Alone,,, , the marines Iraq campaign was called, shock and awe shucks gomer pyle, , , Jody Arias Sings The Body Electric Chair ,,I clicked the wrong drum pattern, but didn't feel like starting over, the Andy Griffith show, this drum pattern actually sounds cool when jammin on it but doesn't sound right on tape, kinda like most people feel about watching a tape of themselves having sex, worried about their precious bodily fluids, don't count your thanksgiving day turkeys before they're hatched because the early bird gets the worm but is soon running around with its head cut off, if your window is rockin', its Ernest T. Knockin' Any Pizza can be a Personal One if You Cry While You Eat it. Jodi Jodi was Unstoppable, it Can't Be Refuted, But is Her I.Q. High Enough To Be Legally Executed? ..Travis Alexander said, Dating Jodi Arias Wasn't Easy, it Was Like Pulling Teeth, From His "Prickly' Penis. Andy Griffith Theme Solo Piano, solo jazz piano Here's To Ernest T, The Dude's True Blue He's A Piss Pot through and through He's a Bastard , So they say He tried to go to heaven, but he went the other way LGBT Lovin' Griffith Big Time Eagle Eye Annie The Gators Got Your Granny Your Grammy needs a Panty Under A Frog's Fanny Whoa Mule you Kickin' Mule My Mule has runaway I Aint got time to kiss you now My Mule told me today
Views: 3322 JazzKeyboardist1
Free Seven Minute Abs  Jazz Lesson
The basic principle of jazz soloing is repetition with variety, The listener is constantly making infinitesimal predictions, as to whether the next event will be a repetition of something ,,,,,or something completely different, The listener must come out right about, say, half the time, if the listener is too successful in prediction, He Will Be Bored, if he is too unsuccessful, he will give up and call the music disorganized trash,,,,,,,, thus if the player starts a repetitive pattern, the listeners attention drops away as soon as he has successfully predicted that it is going to continue, then if the phrase keeps going,,,,, the attention curve comes back up, and the listener becomes interested in just how gosh darn long the pattern is going to continue, ,, and does the audience have to applaud to get this guy to play something else,?, too many notes,,,,,similarly if the player Never repeats anything, no matter how tremendous an imagination he has, the listener will decide that the game is not worth playing,,, ,,,,its kinda like tic-tac-toe, verses chess or trying to figure out how women think,,, darn tootin' (r browne),,,,,,, a note on walking bass lines is on my other lesson video,, some good lessons include, Chick Corea Ten Drummers,, Art Tatum lessons by Dick Hyman (fueyazo) , Great melodies to transpose to all keys include, Bach jesuJoy,,fur,Elise,, charlie Parkers donna lee and dizzys be bop, Freedom Jazz Dance ,,, most peoples solos are kinda hard to steal from,,,,,,,,,a lot of things musicians play in public are just to impress people and would never do when they are playing by themselves at home, Like setting your piano on fire, right Jerry lee Lewis?,, Gig Whores, who will play any music at any venue with any lame band in order to pay the rent, have found that, People who want to play jazz, actually out number those who enjoy it, Let alone pay to hear it,,, , sources allAboutJazz.com don't fiddle faddle your drumstick,as you remember my pay-grade, as a Patron Saint of Mediocrity besides transcribing melodies and solos,, a great excercise is to compose and write out a solo, and the hardest is probably on coltranes giant steps, with blank sheet music, take a great melody rhythm, like berlin's Putting on the ritz, or sonny rollin's pent up house and make it work over the chord changes of giant steps, Though this be madness, Brevity is the soul of wit, ,,Musicians roommates usually want the Minutes to go by on Tip toe with their finger to their lips in a country where everyman is what he has, he who has very little is nobody very much,, as creative as a Wart on my Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll
Views: 2790 JazzKeyboardist1
President Bill Clinton On Broadway
.... Are you a cotton headed ninny muggin ?.. Santa put Will Ferrell's 'Elf' on the naughty list for the fun he had "On Broadway".. New York's Times Square used to be risqué and make everybody smile. Closing it made for some angry elves... Playing jazz is kinda like sex, Watchin' is Not as much fun,, The flame burned within him until his skin was as cold as ice, The dues he paid to gig here are still worth every sacrifice, some Mink Coat Mob critics are too humble for their talent, Worse Than Water Boarding The jazz Gods Had Me No Vulturous Boredom Now Pinned My Life Tree, Electrified Healing A Steinway's Prophet's Locket .I Got Chills Multiplying Don't Mock My Davy Crocket The Nights snapped out of sight Like a Lizard's eyelid. If they were I, In The Morning would do what I did,, Buffalo Bill's Defunct,,, who used to glide Steinway Stallions and break 88 ivories and Dream Of Mozart,,,, Now an Arthritic e e Cummings, , Up a Frog's Ass Down A Mine Shaft is supposed to be the worst place on Earth, according to Hungarians, who Like to Howl to their Music Students,,, "Hey Maestro's, You're As Talented As A Wart On Your Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll ". Signed, Sealed & De-Composing The Woman in Red Accordion .
Views: 959 JazzKeyboardist1
The Harlem Globetrotters Sweet Georgia Brown Noser
A fun song to play because of the Harlem Globetrotters, I like to call this happy blues because of the fun chords,, e7, a7, d7, etc ..Disagree? please contact my Law firm,,,Turner, Bender & Banger, or Dewey Cheatum And Howe,,, Einstein asked, if there is a God, I wonder if She had any choice in doing the big bang?,,, this is the perfect song for jazz guys to play first in a Local concert because everyone knows this song and it is relatively easy to play,, I am always amazed when local musicians play songs the audience does not know,, if they play songs like this, people will recognize the song and will think of fond youthful memories,,, So they are Less Likely to hate you when you improvise over it,,, signed MeadowLark Lemon and Wilt Chamberlain, the man of a Thousand Lap dances, at Ogre Eaters Anonymous Some Critics Are Too Humble for Their Talent,, but Oscar Levant said "I am no more Humble than my talents require" When Natasha Was Street-Walking, she used to say to her Johns,, Hey Want a good time? Got no job?, I don't care, Got a Bad Credit rating? I don't care, Got A Prison Record? I don't Care, Gonna Beat me? I don't Care, Not Gonna Pay Me,?, ,Dead Acres Is Your Place To Be...., Dead Living is Your Life With Fleas , Limbs Spreading Out so far and Wide, Keep Manhattan, Just Dead in That Country-Side,, Jeremy Bentham's Nonsense on Stilts, how to tell music from bunk,,He said he has tried to instrumentally play Rap songs on his Harpsichord, but No One Has Been Able To Name That Tune,, I actually like ''nonsense on quicksand'', better Sauvignon Snobs and Gruner Groupies bridget Everett LGBT Lovin' Georgia Big Time Cheech & Chong said they Slobbered a lot after smoking lots of marijuana during late night orgies, A Doctor recommended they, "Spit of Get Off The Pot"...I think of Meadowlark Lemon when I am jamming on this tune
Views: 1497 JazzKeyboardist1
A Face Made For Radio?
.Well You Needn't, Composed by Thelonious Monk....I Love Lucy, written by Eliot Daniel.. if A Frog Had Wings, He Wouldn't Bump His Butt When He's A-Hoppin',,, if Second is the First To Lose,, People Have To Pay Their Dues. Playing jazz is kinda like sex, watching is Not as much Fun,, the captions were done when Randy Quaid said Hollywood Star Whackers were out to kill him in Canada, so some are out of date, ,,, I think it is a Derby Dose kind of Hungarian Phrase, Under A Frog's Ass Down A Coal Mine, meaning the Worst Place on Earth ,, what Hath George Carlin Wrought? toxic culture poluter? you know you're getting older when you Sprain something while you sleep, ....When Someone Would Make A Mistake,,My college big band Professor used to yell ,, "Hey Maestro's,, You're as Talented As A Wart on Your Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll Because every Tub should stand on its own Bottom ", other garden path sentences,,The Music Teacher gave The Child The Frog Bit A Bandaid,,,,,,,,, the man who hunts ducks out on weekends,,, Miley Cyrus probably doesn't want to Twerk my Daddy's Dick Tracy Doll Thelonius Monk Said He Tried To Be Surreal, But His Frogs hop right Back into Their Real Pond,steve brewer,, I find out a lot about myself by sleeping, dreams are who I am when I'm too tired to be me,, Desi Arnez said, ''Love is the jelly to sunshine's peanut butter, and if I tell you that I'm in sandwich with you, I'm not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag. the clouds were disappearing rapidly leaving the stars to die, the night dried up,,T ry to force yourself to contradict yourself in order to avoid conforming to your own taste. What do you call a spoiled Kid who doesn't Believe in Santa? , ,A Rebel Without A Claus. a Catheter in The Rye The end may justify the means as long as there is something that justifies the end, simon Cowell on being a talent critic Australian song Here's to Simon, He's true blue He's a Spit-Spot Through and Through What a Grumpy Critic, or So They Say He'll Try to Go To Heaven, But He'll Go The Other Way .I'd Like to Help You Out. Which Way Did You Come in? HeadLess Horseman Rides TopLess Teen Titan? the music is better than it sounds Jeopardy 6/04/14 accepted PentathAlon,, changes pronunciation questionable answers that were accepted,, my pet peeve with Alex,lol 4/3014 Led Zepplin 2/22 snow white and the seven dwarves amazon or amazon dot com Arthur chu 3/19 George bush senior 4/14 accepted both Vatican and Vatican city 5/22/14 accepted 2001 and 2001 a space odyssey 5/28 accepted McArthur and MacArthur for the general 9/27 accepted both sergeant pepper and sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band Barely Legible Cursive answers are always accepted, click Jeopardy and Eisenhower A Two-Toed Turkey-Tailed Too--Ba-Lou-in, tongue twistin', tinky winky teletubbin' tall tale Before "I Love Lucy" Was On Cable A TV Set Was Willing And Able To Act Just Like a Table And That's Not A Ba-Ba-Lucy Fable if you turn down your speaker, You will suffer less than you deserve. Jazz is Not Dead, Just Smells Funny ? A man without a Beer Belly is like a Penthouse without a Balcony, Fred Mertz This Sleazy Geek Freak, Came Calling For Me. Hungered to be a Star, wished for a magic Key. She Teased me as my Roadie, And we Soon Knocked Knees. Mama's got a Squeeze Box, Fantasies make her Sneeze.
Views: 2067 JazzKeyboardist1
Neil Armstrong's Giant Steps, Where's Waldo? Grinding Nemo?
.. John Coltrane's Giant Steps is The Best example of a tune that is more fun to Play than Listen to,,,,,Don't squat with your spurs on Cowboy, Ready, Willing & Abnormal,,Neil Armstrongs Giant Steps,Kids are getting tattooed with goo, and even David Bowie says there's nothing I can Do, They Brand Livestock don't they?,,it seems today,, that all you see, is rappers cussing with tattoos inked with speed, were they high on Weed???, Steps has been considered a test of skill for improvisers since John Coltrane recorded it in 1959. some people think that the bridge of, have you met Miss Jones, was an ancestor, great practice is to force yourself to jam on steps in all 12 keys,(Jamey Aebersold books) afterwhich you feel like you have just been let out of prison, and for musicians it is close to a Philosopher's Stone, lol Some clumsy thumbsy moments because its hard to rehearse improvised solos. The Jazz man whistling tunes pianos. The horse raced past the barn fell, time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. The complex houses married and single soldiers and their families. The old man the boat. The man who hunts ducks out on weekends. I convinced her children are noisy. The man returned to his house was happy. Nosey Neil gave the child the dog bit a bandaid. The girl told the story cried. The sour drink from the ocean. That Neil is never here hurts....... I had a thumbnail picture of "Earth Girls Are Easy" from the great science fiction movie with Jim Carrey and Geena Davis but I didn't know if most people would get the Neil Armstrong astronaut joke either. The Princess Bride's Andre the Giant was Seven feet four and he dreamed of large women.....Raiders Of The Lost Arpeggio.. The Spinal Tap movie is one of the classic cult films.. Turn it up to eleven is just one of many phrases of Jazzy McJazzFace
Views: 976 JazzKeyboardist1
HeadLess Body Found in TopLess Bar,if Lessons & But's Were Candy & Nuts
Want An Enormous SchwanzStucker ? playing jazz is kind of like Sex,,Watching is Not as much Fun,, A Jazz Lesson of some of my favorite jazz licks, The basic principle of jazz soloing is repetition with variety, the listener is constantly making infinitesimal predictions, as to whether the next event will be a repetition of something,, or something completely different,, The listener must be right about, say, half the time, if the listener is too successful in prediction, he will be Bored, if he is too unsuccessfull, he will give up and call the music disorganized trash,, thus if the player starts a repetitive pattern, the listeners attention drops away as soon as he has successfully predicted that it is going to continue, then if the phrase keeps going, the attention curve comes back up, and the listener becomes interested in just how gosh darn long the pattern is going to continue, and does the audience have to applaud to get the guy to play something else? lol,, if the player never repeats anything, no matter how tremendous an imagination he has, the listener will decide that the game is not worth playing,,, its kinda like tic-tac-toe, verse chess or figuring out what women really think,lol darn tootin' , r browne, :A note on walking bass lines,,say you are in c7,, the easiest way is always play the root c on one, the third e on two,,, and then it depends what the next chord is,,,, if the next chord is the same, just walk up on three ,to the fifth (g) of the chord, four on the six or seventh and then up to the root again, then down to the third,if the next chord is a fourth, as in c7 to f7, play a g on beat three, then g flat on four, and then the f on one for the f7,, to go from a c7 to a g7, which of course is a fifth, play c on one,, then the e on two then f on three,then f sharp on four,,, then start the g chord with of course g,, it seems most chords in a song are either a fourth or a fifth from each other,,,some good lessons are, chick corea Ten Drummers,,Art Tatum lessons by Dick hyman(fueyazo) and rkjp56, Great melodies to transpose and topsy-turvy to all keys are BachJesusJoy, Charlie Parker's Donna Lee and Dizzy's BeBop, Freedom Jazz Dance,pentupHouse,the middle part of 'one note samba' and beethoven's Fur Elise are great to alter and then to start on the root, third and fifth of the chord and go up and down the keyboard, just try to compose with Ludwig as your inspiration etc,, most peoples solos are kinda tough to steal from if you analyze them,, Many free copies of sheet music are available on bing or google, just type in images of freedom jazz dance sheet music, etc Some of the things musicians do in public are just to impress people and they would feel silly to do them at home ,, like setting your piano on fire, right Jerry Lee lewis? putting a free lesson on youtube is like Letting someone spill the cat out of the Bean Bag, Art must no longer be delightful or comforting, it must be jarring and in tune with the catastrophic situation of modernity, Just Kidding some critics think of themselves as very creative and intelligent, almost bursting with genius, but most musicians are just trying to make a living, and think youtube's Hacky critics have the insight of a Serendipitious ScoobyDoucheBag consultant who says,"If you give me your watch,I'll tell you what time it is" Royalty Free music or Needle Drop,? famous amos' music in films is called needle drop, Diegestic sound in films would be ,say, a character turning on a stereo or playing the piano while only the audience hears non-diegestic sound ,,after marriage, many wives don't Like tea bags nipping at their nose. ,Mel Brooks said, 'Most critics are like eunuchs at an Orgy''.,,,over 87% of people who viewed this video say four out of five dentists recommended it, and it might of been made by a Barney BushWacker ,Sponge Buggerer, Mister Good Wretcherer, or a Teenaged Mutant Necrophiliac on bath salts,spooky Captions at a distance, Sorry I might of coined those silly phrases, these videos are recorded using the cheap synths internal speaker without a mixers echo, so the reverb/echo is pretty dry, most recordings are so Wet, you can hear someone sing a note minute by minute by minute after they sing it, as you remember my paygrade. Tattoo's will get you Through Times of No Happiness, Better Than Happiness Will Get You Through Times Of ,,No Wait, What did Side Show Bob Say? ,,The Right Hand According To Tatum,, Riccardo Scivales is still in print .With Apologies to Mister Tatum For The "Cutting Contest" Title, he Won in 1933, between Stride Piano players, at New York's Morgan's Footloose Bar,, Kick Off Your Sunday Shoes, Too many notes Amadeus oops,Though this be madness, Brevity is the soul of wit, If music be the food of love, Who Let the Dogs out? Charles Dingle? I got chunks of guys like you in my stool, the Sinatra group, Duke Ellington said Tatum was Beyond Category, Holy Hogwarts.
Views: 4484 JazzKeyboardist1
Winner, Winner Cherokee Dinner
Cherokee composed by Ray Noble, A funny lookin' Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins,I learned from Charlie Parker that it's good practice to play Cherokee in all 12 keys, I do it from the Jamey Aebersold chart while Charlie probably did it by ear, For Musicians Cherokee and Giant Steps are close to the Philosopher's Stone,,,,, What do you call a Zombie who bites a Vampire,,, who bites a Werewolf, who bites a Human Being,, while being Exposed to Cosmic Radiation, after eating an Entire thanksgiving day TurDucken? Full and needing Ogre Eaters Anonymous,, Playing Cherokee is like being off the reservation
Views: 2458 JazzKeyboardist1
Flint-Stones or Beatles? Whom do you like Best? Cool,Calm & Constipated
Hush Puppy,, Mush Puppy,, Dino Likes To Beg,, Flea Bag Puppy,, Bow Wow Puppy,, Hey, quit Humpin' My Leg! soft kitty warm kitty Little ball of shi-nola. if You're Crazy And You Know it, Take Your Meds, The Stupid Store Called, They Want You To Come Home. Some People forget that Paul McCartney does not play Hey Jude or Yesterday at home for fun, he plays it for the millionth time for the adulation he gets from the audience, and I am whorishly envious, You May Have tangible wealth untold, caskets of jewels and coffers of gold, but richer than I you can never be, for I had a mother who forgave Me, I mean read to me Learning To Play The Piano is No Different Than Potty Training, The Keyboard Just Has More Flush Handles. Bam-Bam Forced to Watch This Video Eats Own Foot Living An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Livin' La Vida Loca. on a globe of the earth,,if You head north, you will eventually go south, but if you head west, you will always head west Spiffing Tunes has hundreds of free sheet music videos, ltgerbal has the flintstones Leadsheet, the musician who hunts ducks out on weekends fat people eat accumulates until the police arrest the drug dealers control the street, when fred flintstone eats food gets thrown. barney told the story cried, Wilma convinced her children are noisy, betty is expecting tomorrow to be a bad day, the horse raced past the barn fell, I know the words to that song about the queen don't rhyme fred tole me a little white lie will comeback to haunt me the dinosaur that I had really loved bones that jill is never here hurts the man who whistles tunes pianos the old man the boat the raft floated down the river sank we painted the wall with cracks Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana,,Joy is Grief inside Out, Sometimes I wrestle with my Demons, Sometimes we Just Snuggle,why was the computer late for work? because it had a hard drive,what do most people do when they see a space man? park their car man, turn poisen into medicine by not playing the Butter notes with a bass player, meaning don't play the root in the chord and give the chord some space,,There are more than a few people that deserve an apology from me for the stupid things I have done, if I could, I would apologize in person if I knew where you lived, I caused inconvenience and hurt feelings, there was no excuse for my actions,, I am trying to understand why I lacked empathy in many situations, I am sorry that at least one or two people may never forgive me, for things I did when I was a teenager, I especially apologize to Jeffrey Tobler, Hopefully he will forgive me but I never physically hurt him.... I would try to apologize to you in person ,, if I did apologize in person,, it is possible that Only I would feel better, and an apology from me would not benefit you at all, I am sincerely sorry and am filled with remorse, Please accept my apology, thank you, Many A Time I Made Mistakes Some Were Silly But Some Caused Aches Some Were Barely Worth a Mention But Others Were Bad and intentional Just As An Elephant Never Forgets I Will always have times of Regret I Hope You Can Accept My Apology And Long Ago Found Tranquility Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart; we are what we do, any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least, the perfect is the enemy of the good, Only bad things happen quickly, forgiveness is a form of letting go but they are not the same thing, The statute of Limitations may of expired on most of our childhood traumas, Fred Flintstone could put Knock Knots on your head faster than you could rub em
Views: 1907 JazzKeyboardist1
Juicy Lucy's Cuckoo For Cocoa Yoko & Monks Well You Needn't
.Well you needn't, composed by Thelonious Monk, Hell has no Fury Like When Lucy's Scorned, Her eyes have gassed the glory of the T-V being Bored... She's trampling out the vintage where the grapes of Laughs are Stored...She hath loosed the fateful lightning of a Ba-Ba-Lou-ing Sword,, Her Rerun's are marching on....Under a Frog's Ass Down A Coal Mine,,,, Argle Bargle,,This guy's video gives the Listener so much pain that its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. ,if your iphone burns your rear end, it will not last the night, but Lucy's foe's and friends, your butt on fire is quite a sight David Carradine advises,,,Viewer discretion for Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation,,,,but dilettantism, a dabbler in an arts or similar field is alive and well,, and Lucy played the classic one on her show ,warning Grandiloquent narcissism ahead,, I would of made a shorter video, With Less Captions, But I didn't Have The TIme, As Mel Brooks said in History of the World,, With the birth of the first artist, came the inevitable afterbirth of the critic, Critics experience the sublime when they perceive something transcendent that may have escaped the artist's capacity for expression, whether in Language, music or image,,, As they omnisciently Kibitz at a parallel universal reality,, the holy, the mystical, the immortal , the unity of truth and beauty that they have seen or felt in flashes of epiphany, mel added,,'Critics are like eunuchs at an orgy''' Anonymity is a powerful force, hiding behind a fake youtube screen name makes these people fell invincible as well as invisible, presenting an enhanced self-image as one in four adults suffers from a mental disorder and one in 17 has something serious like bipolar/schizophrenia,,, source NAMI I'd rather Dance with A Donkey then have my Ass Kissed By a Mule,,,, , Jazz Lessons Teach Us How to get to Musical Heaven, Not How your Heavens Must Go,, Paraphrasing Galileo; ,if you want to appear smart, Fart this cheer. Call others Retards, For all to Hear,, creepy ass cracker With Great Power Comes Great Repartee. Desi Arnez said "When a Man marries his Mistress, He creates a Job Vacancy", Music Ain't BeanBag, if if's and Butts were Candy & Nuts We'd All Be in Jabba The Hut's Guts. The Grapes of Laugh Stewie's Performance Hierarchy From Family Guy Nobel Prize Literature Oscar,Emmy, Pulitzer and Grammy Winners and all Superstars Filthy Rich Gig Whores Legitimate theatre Musical theatre Stand-up Ventriloquism Magic Mime Juggling Stilt-Walking Swallowing Flaming Arrows Pornography Karaoke While being a Critic usually puts people on the top of Maslow's Hierarchy Of needs of Self Actualization Esteem Love/Belonging Safety and Basic Physiological needs such as breathing and food Most have no talent for Poverty The World needs Jazz Like a Fish Needs A Bike. Making your own Music is out of sight and Dynomite All About Jazz has a funny article about careers in jazz from Gig Whores to the chosen ones to jazz educators ,Rat-A-Tat Tasty.
Views: 2092 JazzKeyboardist1

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