When there are toxic, hostile people in your life, best we avoid them, best we disengage when we find ourselves victimized by them. But if we can't avoid them, if we can't disengage from them, best we find ways to neutralize their negativity with our mind. http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Views: 211880 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It's nice to want to please people but if it is done excessively and to such a degree that you are taken advantage of and your own needs aren't being met, then it's dysfunctional and needs to stop. By understanding how you became this way, you can undo the negative self-definition and embrace your authenticity.
Views: 22670 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
The Law of Attraction doesn't work for most people because despite what they consciously strive for, despite what thoughts they keep in the forefront of their conscious mind, despite all their proactivity, practice, persistence and perseverance, they have an unconscious program of self-sabotage that is running the game and keeping all of life's goodies that they desire at arm's length. The solution to this problem is to eliminate the self-sabotaging behaviors by eliminating what's causing them: unconscious guilt, shame, and self-loathing. How do we do this? By loving and forgiving ourselves. How do we do this? By loving and forgiving others. How do we do this? By consciously focusing on acceptance, tolerance, generosity, graciousness, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, estimable acts of kindness and service to others. As we engage in these behaviors as best we can, unconditionally and without exception, every day and in every way possible, we send the message to our subconscious mind that we are good enough, that we are worthy of reward not punishment, and our subconscious mind then puts an end to the inner critic that influences us to sabotage ourselves, and it directs the Law of Attraction to work for us rather than against us, and we begin to manifest the life we desire. http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Views: 50635 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We have all that we need to heal ourselves on the physical, emotional, spiritual and material planes. And that is to express truth, compassion and calm in all aspects of our lives. Consistently. Persistently. Without conditions and without exceptions.... If you like this video, check out my book, "Forgive To Win!" at: http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Views: 12300 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We tend to judge others harshly for things that we ourselves do. Rather than hold up a mirror to ourselves and acknowledge our faults, we deny we're the problem and point the finger at others.
Views: 6595 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Sometimes we think too much. We over-analyze to the point where we paralyze ourselves with doubts and we end up doing nothing for fear of making the wrong decision. At some point we've got to have faith in our ability to deal with the choices we make, even when the outcomes aren't what we hoped for or expected... If you liked this video, check out my book, "Forgive To Win!" at: http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Views: 13520 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It is traumatic and terrible to be victimized. What adds insult to injury, so to speak, is when, out of a lack of situational awareness, we put ourselves in the path of predators. Best we be extremely vigilant when in new, unfamiliar surroundings, when we are around strangers and acquaintances we don't know well, and even, perhaps, when we are around people we presume to be our friends. The world is a more dangerous place than ever before, with predators everywhere, many of them smiling at us and offering us good things and good times. We must have our radar up and pay attention, and at the first sign of something that is off or odd, best we extricate ourselves from the situation for our safety. It's always best to err on the side of caution and self-preservation.
Views: 3561 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Many of us don't set and maintain boundaries with abusive people in our lives because we fear that rather than cooperate with what we are asking of them, they will choose to end the relationship, which then brings up issues of abandonment within us which generates anxiety and perhaps depression as well which we fear we will not be able to deal with. Consequently, the abuse continues, our emotional needs continue to be unmet, and we experience ongoing anger, resentment, and dissatisfaction.
Views: 3617 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Many of us define happiness by what we've got rather than what we've given. We tend to be happy if we are validated by the external world, whether it be with praise, a great job, a lot of money, etc. and we tend to be unhappy when the external world ignores us, rejects us, deals us a bad hand. It is a mistake to link our happiness with external validation or invalidation. It is better to link our happiness to the Truth of who we are, how we treat our brothers and sisters, our moral fiber. And to remember as well that no matter what has happened in the past or what might happen in the future, we have a choice today to be happy or not. It's a matter of attitude and gratitude.
Views: 2361 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
The healthiest way to deal with a compulsive liar is to have nothing to do with them. But if that is not possible, the next best thing is to keep a safe distance from that person in your head. That means: Do not trust them. Do not assume they are telling you the truth. As Ronald Reagan once said, "Trust but verify."
Views: 22599 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
The best way to overcome feelings related to betrayal is to recognize that harboring negative feelings towards others, regardless of how they have behaved, is a betrayal of yourself, your Higher Self, your Spirit, your Soul. It is our mission here to discover the meaning and power of love and we do that by letting go of judgment and anger, replacing them with acceptance and forgiveness. Mourn the loss of a relationship damaged by betrayal, release the anger, the resentment, the desire for vengeance, find a way to forgive for your own peace of mind.
Views: 3350 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
The Serenity Prayer reminds us to accept the things we cannot change, to have the courage to change the things we can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference. And I have added that when you are accepting the things you can't change, don't complain about it. Complaining is actually a demonstration that you are not in acceptance, and only makes everything worse.
Views: 7629 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Unconscious thoughts are converted into physical symptoms. What you think matters!
Views: 18451 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Loneliness isn't about not having friends or not having a significant other. There are plenty of people with friends and significant others who are terribly lonely. Loneliness has to do with feeling disconnected from humanity. So what's the solution? Watch the video.
Views: 3114 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
High-conflict people are very difficult to deal with because they tend to be arrogant, full of ego, argumentative, aggressive, unwilling to admit when they're wrong, very willing to admit that we're the problem, not them. So how do we approach these people to try to navigate our needs? We start with empathy, attention and respect, regardless of whether or not we feel they deserve them.
Views: 9309 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
If it's true that most people take psychiatric medications because of difficulties regulating their emotions, anxieties and impulses, then when they are taught skills to effectively self-regulate, they will no longer need to depend upon and can safely taper themselves off their psychiatric medications. The Wellness Forum's new program, "Emotional Wellness 101," was specifically designed for this purpose. It can also be used to great benefit by people who are not on psychiatric medications but are dissatisfied with their lives and their relationships. With emotional wellness skills, people can effectively manage their emotional life, end self-sabotaging behaviors, and achieve sustainable happiness. Dr. Pam Popper's interview with Walter E. Jacobson MD, discusses "Emotional Wellness 101" in more detail: http://www.wellnessforum.com/Audio/DrPopperInterviewDrWJacobson20130117.mp3 For more information: [email protected]
Views: 7552 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Hanging onto resentments, vengeance, anger and unforgiveness hurt you more than those who have victimized you. Free yourself from the emotional baggage of the past and live in the present moment with joy, gratitude, and inner peace.
Views: 1573 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Active listening is a valuable communication skill. By learning how to effectively listen, reflect back what you think you heard, and get confirmation, misunderstandings are eliminated, fights don't happen, and relationships have a greater potential to thrive.
Views: 4170 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Letting go of baggage is a choice. First, you choose to recognize your baggage rather than be in denial about it. Second, you choose to recognize that you have the power to let go of your baggage and make better choices. Third, you make better choices. Fourth, you repeatedly, consistently, persistently make those better choices until you have extinguished your self-destructive self-definitions and replaced them with healthier ones.
Views: 2186 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Many of us do not have a solid sense of self, such that when the world smiles at us we feel good, when the world frowns at us we feel bad. This makes us victims of the external world. This puts our personal power in the hands of others rather than in our own hands where it belongs. Best we not let undue praise or criticism fool us, diminish us or get in the way of us feeling good about ourselves. Regardless of other people's opinions and attitudes towards us, we know who we are.
Views: 1762 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We make ourselves crazy by indulging crazy-making thoughts. We make ourselves anxious and terrified by inventing a cascade of ever-increasingly frightening future possibilities that are extremely unlikely to happen and then reacting to them as if they are certain to happen and that we will be helpless to deal with them. Point being: We have a choice to terrorize ourselves with our thoughts, to be a victim of our thoughts, to be controlled by our thoughts -- OR-- to control our thoughts and discard those that we do not need to think about or fear.
Views: 7587 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Many of us seem to thrive on drama despite the fact that the end result is just about always unpleasant in one way or another. If we wish to eliminate the drama caused by others or ourselves, we need to set boundaries with others and ourselves, and maintain them. If we do this consistently, we send the message to others and ourselves that we are serious about the changes we want in our lives and the elimination of the drama and the chaos. The end result is usually emotional stability, happiness, inner peace, better health, and more successful, sustainable relationships.
Views: 3633 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We ignore the red flags in our lives and then we complain how unfair the world is when our lives don't work the way we want them to. The time to respond to the handwriting on the wall is immediately upon seeing it, not days, weeks, months or years later after suffering the consequences of inaction.
Views: 2374 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Pay attention to the red flags in relationships. If you have a sense, an intuition that something isn't right, that the answers you're getting don't really make sense, don't sweep your suspicions under the rug. Face the music. Confront your fears. Confront your red flags. Ask questions. Because if you don't, then the red flags are likely to reveal themselves down the the road after you have invested a great deal of yourself, your time, and your resources in an ultimately unsatisfying and unsustainable relationship.
Views: 1615 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Most relationships fail because one or both partners have poor communication skills. Issues are never adequately resolved, resentments build up over time, and eventually one of the two partners finally accepts the fact that the relationship is just not going to work and they exit stage left. Or they stay together in a love-hate relationship, longing for something better but not believing it's possible. Guess what? It is possible. Both of those scenarios of failed relationships are unnecessary.There are techniques that can be learned as to how to communicate effectively, how to navigate arguments in a healthy way, and how to resolve conflicts and negotiate differences so everyone's needs are met and no one is diminished in the process. Why settle for anything less than a loving, satisfying, sustainable relationship? You deserve it and you can make it happen.
Views: 3409 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We terrorize ourselves with our fear thoughts. We exaggerate them and build on them to the point of actually believing they're likely to happen (which they usually aren't) and then we react with intense fear, panic, desperation, demoralization, etc. in anticipation of them happening. Best not to react to terrible things until they are actually happening. Prepare for the worst but don't live in perpetual daily dread of the future. Be here now. Find happiness today despite life's difficulties.
Views: 2614 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
When we isolate from others we are avoiding dealing with our problems and we are reinforcing our dysfunctional view of ourselves and our world. Best to engage in the world and learn how to effectively navigate the slings and arrows. Best to quiet our mind, free it of the noise tsunami that bombards us 24/7. Best to conquer our ego which thinks it's us against them, kill or be killed.
Views: 4800 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Let me clarify that complaining has its place. It has its purpose. It has value. However, many of us complain to a much greater degree than is necessary or helpful. It becomes our default response to difficult people and circumstances in our lives, to the point where there is barely anything else we talk about. When this happens and complaining becomes a never-ending story with us, we become very negative and unpleasant to be around. We become emotionally abusive. Not healthy for us. Not healthy for our relationships. Best we use complaining as a steppingstone to action, and not simply an opportunity to vent our frustration and vomit our rage all over those we come in contact with.
Views: 1593 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Make a commitment to truth, compassion, calm, acceptance and forgiveness. Put these into practice as best you can every day, unconditionally and without exceptions. If you do this consistently: happiness, health, relationships and material success will all improve.
Views: 14679 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
When we hang onto our anger, our hurt, our fear, our victimhood, we are sentencing ourselves to a lifetime of emotional pain. When we find a way to forgive others, we free ourselves from that emotional prison. #ForgiveToWin
Views: 1773 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
We can get depressed because it runs in our family. We can get depressed because our family was dysfunctional and we developed insecurity and low self-esteem. We can get depressed because of our job, our health, our relationships. Medications may help. Talk Therapy may help. Taking action may help. Despite the tremendous fatigue, lack of interest, lack of motivation and drive, and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that can come with depression, if we take action, if we force ourselves to do one thing each day to move our lives to a better place, it can have a significant impact on our depression and speed up our recovery.
Views: 1836 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
There are many things that can cause us to be irritable: Low blood sugar. Stress. Chronic pain. Depression, Anxiety. Our need to be in control. And many other things. When we are irritable, we tend to take it out on others and this abuse can lead to relationships failing. Consequently, it behooves us to recognize when we are irritable and do the best we can to address the causes and control our irritation so it does not leak out onto other people.
Views: 3474 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It is very common for people to set boundaries with others. What is equally common is people not respecting those boundaries. This is a big mistake. Despite our need for closure, for resolving conflicts immediately, it is best that we accept the boundaries others place upon us if we want our relationships to thrive, because when we breach boundaries set by others it creates resentments and hostilities that often lead to the total breakdown of those relationships.
Views: 1280 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
When someone says something and we feel they are attacking us, we assume the feeling is a fact, we get defensive and angry, we attack back. But oftentimes the feeling is irrational, it's based on our insecurities, our low self-esteem, and if we take the time to not react, to look at the data, we may discover that we are misinterpreting, overreacting, catastrophizing, and that we don't need to go there. If we make this choice, we are happier, our relationships are healthier, our lives get better.
Views: 1451 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It's not a good thing to be cruel when we're angry, to say mean things, to be emotionally abusive... particularly if we don't actually mean what we're saying but are saying it because we want to lash out and hurt the person who we perceive has hurt us. Even worse is when we threaten divorce in the heat of anger. This creates a sense of insecurity in the relationship. It makes the other person not feel safe in the relationship. It makes them feel the love is not unconditional, that "till death do us part" is not to be trusted. And so the entire relationship suddenly is not to be trusted. Better to avoid saying hurtful things just because we have been hurt. Or to threaten divorce to manipulate the person to back down. Best, in general, not to be unloving when we're angry. It's not easy but it can be done. Stay calm. Stick to the facts. Don't call names. Don't threaten divorce. And, by the way, maybe it would be a good idea to get into coupes therapy.
Views: 2226 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
A number of people have challenged the idea of extending love to toxic people, narcissists, sociopaths, etc., claiming that these people can't change and you're only inviting more toxicity and emotional abuse. Let me clarify that we extend love to others, we forgive others, not to change them but to free ourselves from the emotional baggage that goes with hanging onto anger, resentments, grievances, etc. We forgive others for our own peace of mind. It doesn't mean we have to hang around toxic people (even if they are family members), tolerate toxic relationships, or have toxic people in our lives to any degree. Extending love and forgiveness to toxic people doesn't mean we are letting them off the hook and that they shouldn't be held responsible for their behavior. Extending love to others can be a very transformative experience for all concerned. But the bottom line is this: Our happiness, our inner peace are a consequence of the choices we make. And one of those choices is to do the best we can to forgive, love and accept others unconditionally and despite how they are behaving. It's a tall order. It's something we should aspire to. It is the formula for inner peace and eventually world peace. This is wisdom, my friends. This is the core of spirituality and universal truths. To love ye one another. To treat others as we wish to be treated. And, interestingly, when we do these things we are actually engaging the Law of Attraction in the most positive of ways to attract the life circumstances we desire, whether they be about our health, our happiness, our relationships or our prosperity. Please subscribe to this channel. Please share these videos with your friends. Please check out my website: https://walterjacobsonmd.com where you can download a FREE e-BOOK on HOW TO SUCCEED AT RELATIONSHIPS Please check out my book, FORGIVE TO WIN! - End Self-Sabotage and Create The Life You Want: https://amzn.to/2QhKLSs
Views: 2016 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
What if we are collectively projecting our unconscious beliefs onto the "screen" we call the universe, and then believing that our projections are reality and are independent of the thoughts in our mind?
Views: 2419 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
If you want to change your life but you lack the discipline to work hard on a daily basis, try to focus on your desires, on how the changes you want to make will improve the quality of your life. This will increase your motivation which, in turn, will lead to greater discipline, commitment and follow-through.
Views: 1245 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It can be said that many people have a chemical imbalance and genetic predisposition towards depression, anxiety and anger. However, there are many people where these components are not the prime movers of their conditions. Either way, the advice in this video might be helpful.
Views: 2027 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
It is our ego's need to control the universe. And so we judge. We impose. We interfere. But what we're really doing is sabotaging ourselves. When we work on ourselves rather than expending our energy trying to change and manipulate others, we become healthier and happier, and our relationships, as well as other aspects of our lives, get better.
Views: 4576 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
Regardless of whatever disability or adversity you experienced in your formative years, you have a choice today to either wallow in your victimhood and what was done to you or accept the hand that was dealt you, don't let it define you, go after your dreams and make them happen.
Views: 1049 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.
An overview of Forgive To Win!'s 90-Day Forgiveness Diet: a daily regimen of cognitive tools and spiritual techniques to eliminate self-sabotaging behaviors getting in the way of one's happiness, health, prosperity and success. Order your copy of Forgive To Win! today at: http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Views: 5404 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.